A Pledge to Stupidity

A PLEDGE TO AMERICA

America is more than a country.  (It’s actually not a country at all, it’s a continent)

America is an idea – an idea that free people can govern themselves, that government’s powers are derived from the consent of the governed, that each of us is endowed by their Creator with the unalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. America is the belief that any man or woman can – given economic, political, and religious liberty – advance themselves, their families, and the common good.   (Please don’t ask for any help while advancing yourselves, just rely on your nuclear perfect family)

America is an inspiration to those who yearn to be free and have the ability and the dignity to determine their own destiny.  (Yes, we’re an inspiration but immigrants, we don’t want you to actually come here)

Whenever the agenda of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to institute a new governing agenda and set a different course. (Can’t we all just go back to the same course we were on when the economy destroyed itself)

These first principles were proclaimed in the Declaration of Independence, enshrined in the Constitution, and have endured through hard sacrifice and commitment by generations of Americans. In a self-governing society, the only bulwark against the power of the state is the consent of the governed, and regarding the policies of the current government, the governed do not consent.  (Huh?)

An unchecked executive, a compliant legislature, and an overreaching judiciary have combined to thwart the will of the people and overturn their votes and their values, striking down long-standing laws and institutions and scorning the deepest beliefs of the American people. (You’re right, the overreaching judiciary that gave business unfettered political access through campaign donations should be checked … oh wait)

An arrogant and out-of-touch government of self-appointed elites makes decisions, issues mandates, and enacts laws without accepting or requesting the input of the many. (Because the great leader Boehner is the champion of not being arrogant, being in-touch, and he’s definitely not elite or anything)

Rising joblessness, crushing debt, and a polarizing political environment are fraying the bonds among our people and blurring our sense of national purpose. Like free peoples of the past, our citizens refuse to accommodate a government that believes it can replace the will of the people with its own. (Good thing Republicans will bring an end to the polarizing political environment)

The American people are speaking out, demanding that we realign our country’s compass with its founding principles and apply those principles to solve our common problems for the common good. The need for urgent action to repair our economy and reclaim our government for the people cannot be overstated. With this document, we pledge to dedicate ourselves to the task of reconnecting our highest aspirations to the permanent truths of our founding by keeping faith with the values our nation was founded on, the principles we stand for, and the priorities of our people. This is our Pledge to America. (San Demos High School Football rules!)

We pledge to honor the Constitution as constructed by its framers and honor the original intent of those precepts that have been consistently ignored – particularly the Tenth Amendment, which grants that all powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people. (but I was so captured by the need to do something against the rising joblessness, now you’re saying it’s the states role)

We pledge to advance policies that promote greater liberty, wider opportunity, a robust defense, and national economic prosperity. We pledge to honor families, traditional marriage, life, and the private and faith-based organizations that form the core of our American values. (Yeah, Islamic people and kids in non-traditional families go f$ck yourself) 

We pledge to make government more transparent in its actions, careful in its stewardship, and honest in its dealings. (Except on Fox News, where we’ll spin even our stinkiest poohs as nice and shiny)

We pledge to uphold the purpose and promise of a better America, knowing that to whom much is given, much is expected and that the blessings of our liberty buoy the hopes of mankind. (We love you mankind, but we hate the UN and giving money to other countries)

We make this pledge bearing true faith and allegiance to the people we represent, and we invite fellow citizens and patriots to join us in forming a new governing agenda for America. (And in conclusion, the Patriot, a fine male white warrior we can all  relate to)